How we got here (pt 6)

At 7 months it became apparent that the Sperm Donor wouldn't be capable of the responsibilities that lay ahead because we were not an item, and so I asked him…

“If you knew that we weren't going to end up together, would you have wanted me to still have the baby?”

To which he replied, “No.”

“Well I’m giving you this opportunity to walk away. Since it's so hard for you to deal with things because we are not together, then I’m giving you freedom to walk away. No strings attached.” 

“I’m not going to do that. Even though you don’t want to be with me anymore, I’m going to work to take care of you and my son. I’ll pay your rent and bills, so you don't have to worry. Even if I have to work 3 jobs.”

For a moment I admired his tenacity. But reality hit very quickly (3 weeks later) and he was nowhere to be found. 

By this time I had to vacate the place I was subletting and I still hadn't found an apt. Many plans fell through. So I tentatively moved in with my ex and her friend who was not-so-secretly in love with her. Bad choice. And I knew it. It was too much drama and too many emotions and that wasn't even including my pregnant self. But again, I didn't have the balls to say no because I already had one person who hated my guts and was trying not to make it two.  I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I spent many stressful days just sitting in the city and people watching, wishing I had an answer to change my situation. 

Then… he was born. Everything that was going on didn't matter anymore. It didn;t matter to me that though I called Sperm Donor to let him know our son was being born, he never came to the hospital. It didn’t matter that my ex’s admirer was the one in the hospital room and not my family - though she did capture the first moments of me and the Dude, but i digress- None of that mattered. It was just me and my little pumpkin boy. Best. Moment. Of. My. Life. Holding a little person in my arms that my very own body help create. He was perfect. I instantly loved him. 

That temporary living became more permanent when my ex and I decided to get a place together and give it another try. And for a year we did. I gave it my best. But we were just beating a dead horse. And again… I knew it. We had grown apart. Grown into JUST friends. The constant arguing, mixed with trying to figure out this whole motherhood thing, mixed with postpartum depression, made for a bad cocktail. My Dad in LA, made it so that I could take some time off from the hustle and be with the Dude. 8 months to be exact. Because I was on Medicaid for insurance, I was told to go apply for public assistance. In the beginning it was easy and helpful. I automatically was approved for $250/month for food stamps and partially financial assistance with the electric bill and rent. But they dont help you transition. I will discuss that later in another post. 

Being a new Mom and trying to juggle all the other aspects of your life is really hard if you don't have a good support system. In that first month it was my college roomies turned besties that were there. They helped me move my stuff from storage to the temporary living with me ex. They came all the way out to the boondocks, weekly, to cook me breakfast, clean, organize the baby shower gifts, watch the Dude so I could shower, put my room together and walk the lovely but not so trained HUGE golden retriever my ex owned. Life savers they were. Life savers. 

After his first year milestone was when the true hustle began. We moved into our own apartment. Just me and the Dude. Before I knew it, I was holding down 6 jobs! Whew! And I plan to tell you guys all about it. And I want to know your stories of survival as well. I want to know about your village that helped you out, picked you up, made sure you ate and showered. 

So this is the story of how I became a single mother who, like so many other single parents,  hustles her ass off to provide. Now I don't have ALL the answers but at least I can show you how I’ve made it possible on an income far less than what statics say and with minimal government assistance. I hope my testimony, my story will help. Help someone see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Because there is always light.